My Little Cabin in the Woods

As I sit here in the house I bought a little over a year ago and watch the light of day dim into the dark of night I wonder. I do live in a little cabin in the woods. It's mine though I am still paying for it. It's full of my stuff from top to bottom, yet sadly it's not completely mine yet. I haven't added my own little touch to the place. Sure I've set stuff out and have furniture, counter tops with decorations on them, a bedroom with a full size bed in it, pretty blue rugs rest on the bathroom floor. I have a back porch and a very pretty front porch. I even have my own little yard and my own little woods with a lovely creek running through it. But though I live here, love it here, it's still not totally mine. Why do I say that you wonder? Because while my stuff graces the interior and a few odds and ends grace my front porch everything else is the way it was on the day I purchased the place. I've not completely put my own touch into it. The colors on the walls remain the same as they did when I moved in. The carpet on my bedroom floor is shabbier and pink, pink is really not a cabin color and I find myself wondering why pink? The curtains remain the same as they were the day I moved in. The closets haven't changed much either and my loft is a disaster area of unpacked and packed stuff, stuff that still has no place and is just in "storage". I still haven't moved all of my stuff out of my dad's place. Bins are piled in his attic that are mine of stuff I gathered through the years. Basically I have a place and it's mine for the most part, but it's without any personal touches.

I, in essence, just live here in this space that I love but that just isn't, not fully, one hundred percent me. Money is a big hold up on making this place truly mine, that and time and my apparent moodiness as of late. I look around and see so much potential yet have done little to make this place "my personal space". I love to sit in the living room late at night and stare at the beautiful wooden beams criss-crossing my ceiling and making up the underside of my roof. In the half light of the nightlight I have positioned in my kitchen you can just make it out, and it's so very peaceful. I often, when feeling sad or upset or just plain bored, will sit or lie back on my small couch and just gaze around. Sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I don't but for some reason I find it soothing and comfortable and relaxing. I think of what I want to do to the place. I think of the furniture I want to get. The paint I want to add to the walls. I envision how my loft will look when it's complete and how pretty my yard will be with flowers and color in it. I think of how pretty my porches can be. I think of the little things and the big things I can do that will make such a big difference in this house, and I think of the money I don't have that it will cost to make this place completely mine. Patience. It will all take patience, so much patience but one day this place will be a true retreat for me, a true, honest-to-God solace. I've dreamed of it so much and one day, one day it will be a reality but the waiting is a killer. It's kind of sad to look about and notice that little progress has been made towards my ultimate goal. Everyone tells me that is completely normal for a new home buyer, especially when money is tight, and that in time it will become the ultimate dream home...all in good time.

So I sit and glance around, gaze at my home and the stuff in it. Shake my head at the extremely cluttered kitchen island, frown at the loft which is nothing more than storage at the moment, gaze in frustration at that old pink carpet that so clashes with the cabin and sigh when I look at furniture that in no way, shape or form really fits in a log cabin. One day, some day, that will all change...or so I hope. For now I look at pictures of furniture, beautiful furniture that would accent my home. I look at the paint and carpet I so want to use in my bedroom. I admire the beautiful curtains I'd love to one day put on the windows. I stare longingly at the corners of my yard that some day in hopes will be filled with beautiful colors.

Some day I'll be able to sit down and smile as an overwhelming calm, cozy feeling starts to coarse through me at a job well done when this place truly does become MINE.